Can I actually sin by ministering to others?

God: I desire obedience more than sacrifice.

One of your standing orders is to pursue healing for yourself, for when you do not, everyone else suffers. Your wounds are not yours alone. Every single person in your life suffers from the behaviors, conscious and unconscious, that are the natural result of woundedness (not to mention that they hurt because they love you and your hurting hurts them that way as well). I think you can hear Him saying, "You keep turning your eyes away from the hurricane of your soul-- you'd rather tend to the hurricanes of others. Yes, Dear One, when you offer sacrifices I did not ask for in lieu of obedience to what I am asking of you, you sin."

You still have ahead of you this very important epiphany--the one that God used one of you to show me this year: I cannot pull those I love out of hell, if I cannot let God help me pull myself out of hell. Place the oxygen mask securely over your own face before assisting others.

Stage one: letting the scales fall from your eyes, letting the cocoon fall away so that your raw baby skin touches the air for the first time, and finds a healing balm in the gentle wind of the Holy Spirit for you there. You look for diversions-- you TRULY care about the broken hearts around you, but you involve yourself with them in ways that distract you from the business of tending to your own broken heart.

Pursuing God’s calling on your life requires you to undergo this surgery of the soul--you have to have the open heart first; if you don't, you won't live to save the others. Trust me in this, Honey. I am broken, and I know that. You know that. But broken people are all God has to work with. It is His amazing plan to use the broken to make things whole. Everything is a big fat joyous paradox for Him! He gives us so much to laugh about for eternity!!!! He will turn your ashes into beauty and your mourning into dancing. But first, you have to STAND UP.

It is painful to reset a broken arm. But you won't be able to carry that baby out of hell if you don't. Schedule the operation. I'll do anything you need to make this happen. I BELIEVE IN YOU. I see a pillar of cloud by day and pillar of fire by night hovering over you, leading you to healing that moves in every direction. You are interwoven in it with the Holy Spirit, with the Body of Christ, with broken relationships He will heal, with broken children He will make whole.

Too oft said, but denial . . . de Nile, is not just a river in Egypt. If you sit down in the safety of Jesus and look at all these shards in your life left by hurricane after hurricane, He will make looking at them a healing experience. Surveying the damage accurately is the first stage of rebuilding and renewal. Take some of the spiritual lessons from Katrina and Rita. They have hit home for you on so many levels. You are little David. The armor doesn't even fit you. You will have to go out there with just your sling and your unflappable faith in God Almighty. You'll take that giant down and we will dance for years in celebration.
Take him out, Baby Girl. This is your calling. Your armor is His spirit, your stone is Jesus. Your sling is faith, a gift from God. I am standing here on the sidelines praying all the way. With the clouds and crowds of Holy witnesses—insert names of your loved ones, on both sides of the Jordan, the moms and dads and sweet little boys and girls. run, child, run. let it rip. He's in you. He will not fail you. Run. Chase that demon down and beat the living crap out of it. If you want me to, I'll hold him down while you punch. (:

One Day Hannah Stood Up!

3-10-03 I Samuel What a rich book replete with revival and renewal--God present and attentive all over the place. The book opens with the story of Hannah's pain and God's providence. Her story mirrors Rachel's in that she was the beloved but barren wife (of two)--Elkanah (& Sarah, too to some extent, in competition with Hagar for Abraham's child/heir). It is also very interesting in juxtaposition the narrative of Samson's mother, also barren, though she was Manoah's only wife. I think comparing those two stories might merit a separate blog entry though.

Every year Elkanah would take his wives and family to Shiloh, where the priests of the Lord were, to worship and sacrifice. (Doesn't say whether this is Passover or what, but it seems to be harvest time according to some of the commentaries, so it might be Rosh Hashana, the Jewish new year). On sacrifice day, Elkanah would give Hannah a double portion of meat because he loved her (remember Joseph doing this with Benjamin to reveal himself secretly among the unwitting brothers?) Also thinking of the double portion of Elijah. Also Genesis 29:31 where God opens Leah's womb because her husband does not love her).

Because GOD had closed Hannah's womb (like Sarah and Rachel?), her rival kept provoking her, as Hagar and Leah had done to their rivals. This was the cycle every year --it would always happen at "Thanksgiving" and Hannah would always end in tears, unable to eat (1:7). Elkanah would helplessly try to console her with his love--as though it should suffice in spite of the baby-shaped hole in her heart (commentaries remind us that fertility was an imperative from God- Multiply the earth!). 1:9. One day when they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, HANNAH STOOD UP.

1) This seems to suggest they were right by the door, either in an extension of the tabernacle or perhaps outside, so that when Hannah rose, she was already at the point of entry to the tabernacle. Some of the commentaries suggest that the tabernacle had become rather more elaborate. On the other hand, the high priest is just sitting out there on a chair available to everyone, so others suggest that this was the point of deterioration to which Israel had fallen.

2) Otherwise, my inclination is to explain it linguistically. Perhaps, "stood up" means something like, "took a stand" or "one day Hannah sat up and took notice." This makes sense to me discursively because they have just emphasized that this happened every year, but ONE YEAR. . . Hannah stopped the cycle of dysfunction.

She became agentive, even if it is a helpless agency. Perhaps the most important agency is co-laboring with God--which is always helpless (compare O. Hallesby on Prayer and how it is our helplessness and our acknowledgment of it that moves the heart of God to act). Most likely "stood up" is a double entendre--a play on the physical and the figurative. 1:10 IN BITTERNESS OF SOUL. . . this description of Hannah's emotional state makes me think of the many mentions of bitterness of heart and soul in scripture. Lamentations 3:19. . . the bitterness and the gall. . . Ephesians 4:31 Let all bitterness, envy, and wrath be put away from you. . .

1:11 Hannah made a vow which was like the vow God told Manoah's wife to take and keep for Samson, the Nazirite vow. While God wanted Samson to be a Nazirite and conveyed this in a vision (close encounter of the angel kind), Hannah made this vow voluntarily for Samuel (not very democratic, but apparently not marked for parents to make such choices about the future of their children). In the case of Manoah's wife, God is the apparent initial agent.

In Hannah's case, the vow is made almost as a bargain, and Hannah appears to be the initiating agent. Incidentally, what is the probability that Hannah knows the story of Samson's birth, calling and "ministry"? Is there any message or causality in the fact that Samson's mission was other initiated and failed, but Hannah's was self initiated and succeeded--and so magnificently? I suppose that would only be true if the 'other' initiator were someone other than God. All the other people He approached and announced a calling for turned out splendidly. Samson was the one exception.

Obedience was required from everyone in both cases. . . 1:12-14 For years I thought Eli's belief that Hannah was drunk just showed how little spiritual discernment Eli had, but on thinking more about the physical context and the feasting and drinking, it seemed a more plausible conclusion for him to make (this year). 1:15-16 "I have not been DRINKING. . . I have been POURING! (out my heart to the Lord). Look at this beautiful play on these two words and images! 1:17 Eli then believed her and blessed her, and without knowing her request, said a prayer for its fulfillment.

1:18 Hannah took Eli's words as from the Lord. The state of Hannah's heart and emotions actually changed after this experience of crying out to God and feeling that she had been heard. 1:19 The Lord remembered her--I think of Joseph wanting to be remembered by the cup bearer being released from prison. The repentant man on the cross next to Jesus saying, "Jesus remember me when you come into your Kingdom. . . "

1:20 AND SO IN THE COURSE OF TIME Hannah had a baby boy and named him Samuel: "I asked the Lord for him." 1:21-24 Hannah doesn't go with the family to the Shiloh festival until she is finished weaning Samuel and is ready to surrender him to the service in the tabernacle. This choice was approved of by Elkanah who said, "Only let the Lord make good His Word." Why is it GOD making good His word instead of Hannah making good her word? I can't answer this necessarily, except that man's view of who's trustworthy is so distorted.
The point, I think, is that Hannah and God worked together to do something that would change the course of Israel and the course of history. Hannah was a co-laborer with God and God always keeps His end. All the other parties don't necessarily.

Samson made a big mess out of God's glorious plans for him. It cannot be a mere coincidence that the first Sam, Samson, was given a calling as judge of Israel he chose not to fulfill. This is an important precursor to Samuel's calling because it reminds us that we still have free will not to respond to God's calling. God doesn't want robots, He wants partners. He wants co-laborers. And in His glorious redemptive plan He commissioned another Sam, Samuel, to have a shot at obedience and the leadership of His people. And this one bore fruit.

My point, dear friend, is that we often find ourselves situated in dysfunctional contexts that convince us we are stuck. They convince us so well that we don't ever even step outside the frame long enough to contemplate our sense of stuckness. One day, Hannah stood up. One day Hannah said, I want everything you have for me, God. I want to end this cycle of dysfunction. Dear One, stand up!!!!!!!!!

A Note About Samuel and God's Involvement with Man

March 17, 2003

What strikes me most about reading 1 Samuel this year (end--I have read it twice this year) is the nearness of God--His activity, His direct intervention and interaction with men, particularly, Samuel and David. Here the sense of Calling and Purpose are loudly present. This is no theistic-wind-up-the-world-and-see-what-it-does God. This God speaks to Eli. He speaks through Eli to Hannah. He speaks to the child Samuel, and ever afterward to Samuel.

This God comforts Samuel when his people ask for a king, rejecting Samuel's leadership as their prophet-judge as insufficient. This God causes men to prophecy quite apart from their intentions (remember Saul?). This God comforts Samuel again when he is grieving for Saul after God reveals that He is going to replace him. David finds comfort in God repeatedly in this book. He is not a God far away who leaves His people to muddle through their fallen world on their own. He asks them to depend on Him and when they do He defends and protects and comforts. . .

He has purposes and a will, and yet he allows for human agency. IF Saul had obeyed, God says he would have had an heir on the throne forever. . . it all comes down to the choice of co-laboring with God or choosing to go off on one's own. If Saul had obeyed, does that mean David would never have come to fulfill the role he did? Was David predestined to be the ancestor of Christ? Was Saul predestined to fail? I doubt the latter, --God could certainly have worked both families in to the colorful family tree He designed for Jesus) (: